I’ve always threatened to build my own theme from scratch because I’ve never seen a scratch that I actually like. Well, I’m making good on this threat as you can now tell since the site looks like dung. So here we go. Expect to see quick (I hope) updates and changes as I’m on my way to creating a website that will turn me into the world’s first billionaire surrealist blogger.

It’s still sort of a new year and I’m still trying to make good on my resolutions. Which means for the next few weeks, you may see a flurry of activity on the site, at the end of which I’ll make a post about how great all of the momentum has been and then… nothing.

Enjoy and feel free to send me words of encouragement on both writing, building this here blog, and maybe even weight loss.

Okay good bye.

10 Instances of Satanic Imagery on the New Starbucks Seasonal To-Go Cup

  1. At the center top, the heart within a heart is a symbol of demonic possession. Get it? Because there’s a heart inside another heart? There is a third heart, though, which cannot be explained but is probably occult-based.
  2. Top center: the two hands holding one another are clearly the same gender (Homosexuality is the Devil’s favorite kind of hook up). The gender is probably male, but their slenderness denotes a femininity, so they could be female. Or they could be “gender fluid,” the category that confuses us most.
  3. From one of the hands dangles a jewel of sorts. This is probably a crystal, which is popular in New Age belief systems. Never experienced Satanism/New Age practice? Spend an afternoon in Santa Fe. That place is filthy with Satanists / New Age practitioners.
  4. In the upper left corner, there are two bird-like creatures on the verge of colliding. One of them carries a branch in its beak (probably reefer). They appear to be doves on a collision course with one another, symbolizing the downfall of man. Or they could be two male doves about to enjoy the Devil’s favorite kind of hook up (see number 2).
  5. Starbucks, the company, is named after “Starbuck,” the first mate on the Pequod from “Moby Dick.” “Moby Dick” was written by Meville, which of course rhymes with Devil.
  6. The dominant color in this devilish doodle is “red,” which is the color of blood, which is Satan’s favorite beverage. He also likes absynthe, we hear. Oh, and of course he loves a latte. From Starbucks. Where these cups came from. See the connection?
  7. Near the bottom of the image are two green and red cups (which harken back to their 2015 holiday cups which through their blankness denied the existence of any sort spiritual being). From both cups comes forth streaming, snake-like rainbows. These are, of course, Gay Cobras, which Devil worshippers use to scare The Innocents into becoming gay or Devil worshippers or both or at least Democrats.
  8. In the upper right-hand corner of this evil sketch is what might appear to be a steaming hot mug of cocoa, but is, in fact, a bubbling cauldron filled with human souls. “But it has a handle and what appears to be marshmallows.” Please do not question us. We know the difference between mugs and cauldrons.
    (It has come to our attention that the author of “Moby Dick” was not Meville, but “Melville.” Whatever. Spell it any way you like, evil is evil. Even if it’s spelled evi. Or “M-O-B-Y D-I-C-K!”)
  9. To the far right of the illustration are two hands writing. The untrained eye might believe they are writing Christmas cards. But the simple imagery on these “cards” tells us they are writing in hieroglyphs. Seasonal hieroglyph cards addressed to their senators that simply say, in their hieroglyphic ways, “Keep up the good work on our war on Christmas!”
  10. There are two large (one might even say “monstrous”) hands arising from the bottom of the cup. In the same way the talons of Satan would emerge from the underworld. When placed in the proper position, these hands arise from the cardboard wrapper intended to protect you from heat, but which, because of all of this evil imagery, might as well say, “Be careful. The beverage you are about to enjoy is EVIL.”

Hush you

I’m a musician. I’ve been playing music since I was able to sit in front of a piano. And if there’s anything I like to do more than playing music, it’s listening to it. All kinds. I love classical1, jazz 2, punk, indie, downtempo, industrial, folk, bluegrass, ragtime, metal, ska 3Late 70s British ska, duh.[/duh], country, lounge, you name it, I’ll give it a listen.

But lately, I’ve reached a wall. Nothing sounds good. It’s like being hungry but having no clue what you want to eat. I’m having a difficult time listening to music with a distinct rhythm, or voices, or harsh sounds (I love you, Miles Davis, but I just can’t with the trumpet right now.), or crazy dynamics. I don’t like fast tempos and the slow tempos put me to sleep.

I’ve hit a musical wall.

The only thing right now that I can listen to — and it’s more just to fill the silence — is ambient. Which has left me with a small handful of choices. I’ve been listening to Moby’s free album (which you can find here), a lot of Brian Eno, and Loscil, whose work always sounds good.

So basically, I’m listening to melodic white noise.

Anybody else ever have this problem? What did you do about it? Will it go away? I hope so.

Would You Care to Rock?

I don’t know if you’d consider this “meta” or just “too much,” but I wanted to call out something that I’ve wanted to do for quite some time and now have actually done: I’ve created a page with some of my music. I hesitate to say “my” music because a huge chunk of it was co-authored by my good friend John Flores, who, as you may have guessed, is the “John” in “Jim/John Make Noise.”

You can visit the page here and you can spend a few minutes listening to my own stuff and then a few hours listening to J/JMN, who is your new favorite band.

Also, I have a gazillion songs I wrote a gazillion years ago that I’m thinking about recording and posting. What do you two think? Good idea? Crap idea?

This is the end, my friends

Every now and then I get to see how advertising is delivered and the means for getting people’s attention. I saw some today, in fact. And it’s gross.

Because it’s everywhere. They’re looking for us everywhere. No place is safe from a possible ad message being sent. I don’t want that, do you? It creeps me out that I can be walking around a grocery store, that there are scores of people who know this, and they all want to send me something that says “Buy this!”

Do either of you know what it takes to get off the grid? Or at least how to be a less of a presence on said grid? All of this nonsense makes me want to delete my Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram accounts and delete this dumb, undervalued, underused blog. Or maybe just move to the woods and write manifestos. And also fly fish.

Here’s one thing I’ve considered doing: the world has gone survey crazy. It seems like it’s a law now that businesses must include a survey on every receipt they hand out. So for those surveys? I’m going to lie. Not on the whole thing, just on one or two questions. Because all of these surveys and all of this information that we get all gets fed into formulas and algorithms that determine what action the advertiser takes. So if you give standard answers in a way that makes sense, the advertiser will know exactly how to communicate with you. But if you throw in a few nonsequiturs, then the advertisers will be thrown for a loop.

Wait… Consumer 4877-B4-21AQ492 says he lives an active lifestyle, but in question 19, he claimers he has 78% body fat. What gives?

It’s a little thing, but maybe it will help. Or maybe the Wealth Courts will find me in contempt of the plutocracy and I’ll be sent to Panhandler Prison.

Whatever. Who cares. I’m still angry about my low play SoundCloud play count and I’m done with just about everything.


Don’t read this

So one of your friends/fellow writers/people you look up to asks you to write a song for a show he’s producing and you write it and it actually turns out to be much better than you had hoped for, so good, in fact, that you think, “This is stellar!” and they put it in the show and use it and it gets a good response and you think, “I’m going to share this ditty with the world!” and you ask aforementioned friend if that’s cool and he, of course, says it is because he is cool which is part of the reason you look up to him and so you post it and you announce and you just sit back and wait for the listens to roll in but they never do – there’s only eight – and you keep checking because you’ve got that sort of mental… thing but still the number of listens does not go up and so then you really screw up and do the math and you realize that this means that roughly 00.6% of your Facebook friends have listened to these songs, except, of course, that when you see the people who have liked the songs and presumably listened to the songs are not, in fact, your Facebook friends but random SoundCloud listeners who you really appreciate for taking the time to listen to your music but still you have to wonder why none of your real “friends” have listened to it and, sure, you think that maybe it’s something wonky in the Facebook algorithm that doesn’t show your posts because Facebook has something against SoundCloud or maybe even against you but it does nothing to lessen the sting that comes from knowing people don’t want to hear your music so you decide, “Man, I gotta get this off my chest!” so you write a blog post and think, “If I don’t share this then I can just vent for a while and that will feel good and because I’m not going to share it I won’t have to come off sounding whiny or petty or petulant” which is something you pretty much feel all the time but then you realize the irony that you’re not going to share something that people would probably ignore anyway since they haven’t acknowledged the other stuff you’ve shared and it all becomes almost laughable until you realize these are issues you’ve had for years and they continue to haunt you but then you think maybe if you write it in a long train of thought sort of fashion that people will actually think you’re trying to, say, channel the work of David Foster Wallace and then you wonder if there are any tropes or devices you could use to make it seem even more like you’re trying to channel DFW and they will soon ignore the reality of your situation w/r/t music and songs or the lack of people listening to them and then you sort of reach a point where you realize you’ve written over 500 words and maybe that’s enough for now and you also wonder if maybe the Nihilists were right.

Buy low, sell high

My apologies in advance if I come off sounding like either a personal finance coach or a self-help guru, but listen to this: Everything is an investment. Every choice you make is a form of investing. Because everything you do will have a result. And, like investments of money, there are high-risk and low-risk investments. There are some choices you make that won’t matter much and some that do. For example, most of the time the choice to put on shoes just means that your feet will be covered. But every now and then you’ll realize that you just stepped on a Lego and that decision (investment) to put on shoes seems pretty solid. And, like financial investments, some take a while to pay a dividend (consequence). For example, if you tell a kid he is funny looking and his mother dresses him in odd fashions, some day a big hulking Muay Thai kickboxer may come up to you at Quizno’s and exact his revenge with a double chop elbow because of your earlier teases and taunts. And this will make you sad because originally all you wanted to do was point out some truths: he is funny looking and his mother did dress him in the odd fashions. But now you’re hurting big time and there’s no fun for you.

I say all of this not to prevent you from taunting kids (many of them are deserving) but to remind you (and by you I mean “me”) to be mindful not only of the choice but of the dividends for the choices you make. This is part of the wonderful world of mindfulness and I need it now more than ever. This Burrito Bell Gigante looks delicious with its oozing liquid cheese, but it will deliver a double chop elbow to the guts in a few minutes hence. Or this game of Angry Birds is so rewarding, I will continue playing it until the batter on my phone runs out. Decisions are investments. Which decisions will pay the highest dividends?

Decisions are investments. Which decisions will pay the highest dividends?

DIY it yourself

There’s a great interview with Mike Sacks wherein he says, and I’m paraphrasing here, that if you want to get something done, you have to do it yourself.

For the last year or so, I’ve had someone4 submitting my work to different, smaller, independent publishers. And, spoiler alert, it’s been rejected by all. Granted, I’ve heard some nice comments, but none of them want to publish.

Which is pretty much what I expected. Sure, I had hoped for someone to say, “This is the writer we’ve been waiting for!” And then there’s a huge advance and a book tour and so on and so forth, but that’s not going to happen.

So maybe it’s time to go the self-publishing route.

I think the main reason I haven’t considered it in the past was because I just want a book, an actual, physical book I can hold in my hands and throw at people who said I would never amount to anything.

But with self-publishing (and this is something Mike Sacks goes into), there’s far more control. I can write whatever I want to write. However I want to write it. I can even design the cover in whatever fashion I’m capable of.

What artist doesn’t want control like that?!

Of course, there are a couple of things I need to take care of first. One, I need to find a reputable self-publishing outfit. I’m leaning towards Amazon because, well, I don’t know, Amazon. If either of you have any suggestions, recommendations, or thoughts, please let me know.

Two, I need to seriously edit one of the books I’d like to publish. So that may take a while. But I’ve got another book I could go ahead and publish straight away. Which is nice.

Three, I need to make absolute sure my non-agent agent has exhausted all possible publishing avenues because, come on, y’all, book tours.

Time Has Come Today

I was a huge Elton John fan growing up. It started with the first “Greatest Hits” record and songs like “Bennie and the Jets” and “Rocket Man.” Then there was “Captain Fantastic” and “Rock of the Westies” and “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road.” I loved his music. I still think “Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy” is one of the greatest albums of all time.

A year or two ago, I dug into some of the older albums that I’d never really listened to and I found “My Father’s Gun” from “Tumbleweed Connection.” Something about the song really affected me emotionally. It’s an amazing tune. The strings, the background vocals, the way it crescendos… It’s one of Elton’s all-time greats.At first, I thought my emotional reaction to the song was because I really dig the music. But lately, I’ve wondered if there was something more to it, more than just, “Hey, this great!”

At first, I thought my emotional reaction to the song was because I really dig the music. But lately, I’ve wondered if there was something more to it, more than just, “Hey, this great!”Here’s my theory.

Here’s my theory.I’m a sucker for the old days, for the sites and sounds from my youth. And I always get a rush when I hear an old song or, say, see an old movie from growing up. But rarely do I get to experience the sensation of discovering something for the first time like I did back then.

I’m a sucker for the old days, for the sites and sounds from my youth. And I always get a rush when I hear an old song or, say, see an old movie from growing up. But rarely do I get to experience the sensation of discovering something for the first time like I did back then.Does that make sense? Probably not.

Does that make sense? Probably not.

When I first discovered Elton John, there was a rush I got every time I heard a new song that I loved. I haven’t been able to do that in forever. Until I heard “My Father’s Gun.”

I can’t recommend this exercise strongly enough: Go back to someone you listened to as a kid, someone you loved. Then find some of that artist’s work you’re not familiar with. It’s amazing.

It’s as close as you’ll ever get to a time machine.

I need the US RDA of everything

Do any of you three know anything about getting, like, really healthy? Man oh man, I am broken.  I’ve got the gout, I don’t sleep much, my back always hurts, my legs always hurt, I’m always sleepy, my teeth are in pain, I’m cranky, I have gas.

I am broken.

I’ve had a physical the last two years and my doctor has told me the same thing both times: “You need to lose weight.” Then she gives me a list of vitamins I need to start taking and tells me to get the hell out of her office.

So what I need is to lose weight. And what I want is a common sense diet. Or maybe an app. Or both. An app in support of a common sense approach to diet and weight loss. That would probably be best. Should I buy a Fitbit?

While we’re here, have any of you tried eating a Japanese diet or the French diet? I admire both cultures and I think it would be sweet to pretend like I was living there. Of course, then I’d step outside and some guy in a 50-foot tall truck would blow through the stop sign in front of my house and I would remember, “Oh yeah. I’m in Flower Mound.”

Okay, well, if any of you three have any recommendations, let me know. In the meantime, I’ll be sitting over here. Expanding.

Post Script

I may have some big news about my playwriting career. Stay tuned!