10 Instances of Satanic Imagery on the New Starbucks Seasonal To-Go Cup

November 24, 2017
  1. At the center top, the heart within a heart is a symbol of demonic possession. Get it? Because there’s a heart inside another heart? There is a third heart, though, which cannot be explained but is probably occult-based.
  2. Top center: the two hands holding one another are clearly the same gender (Homosexuality is the Devil’s favorite kind of hook up). The gender is probably male, but their slenderness denotes a femininity, so they could be female. Or they could be “gender fluid,” the category that confuses us most.
  3. From one of the hands dangles a jewel of sorts. This is probably a crystal, which is popular in New Age belief systems. Never experienced Satanism/New Age practice? Spend an afternoon in Santa Fe. That place is filthy with Satanists / New Age practitioners.
  4. In the upper left corner, there are two bird-like creatures on the verge of colliding. One of them carries a branch in its beak (probably reefer). They appear to be doves on a collision course with one another, symbolizing the downfall of man. Or they could be two male doves about to enjoy the Devil’s favorite kind of hook up (see number 2).
  5. Starbucks, the company, is named after “Starbuck,” the first mate on the Pequod from “Moby Dick.” “Moby Dick” was written by Meville, which of course rhymes with Devil.
  6. The dominant color in this devilish doodle is “red,” which is the color of blood, which is Satan’s favorite beverage. He also likes absynthe, we hear. Oh, and of course he loves a latte. From Starbucks. Where these cups came from. See the connection?
  7. Near the bottom of the image are two green and red cups (which harken back to their 2015 holiday cups which through their blankness denied the existence of any sort spiritual being). From both cups comes forth streaming, snake-like rainbows. These are, of course, Gay Cobras, which Devil worshippers use to scare The Innocents into becoming gay or Devil worshippers or both or at least Democrats.
  8. In the upper right-hand corner of this evil sketch is what might appear to be a steaming hot mug of cocoa, but is, in fact, a bubbling cauldron filled with human souls. “But it has a handle and what appears to be marshmallows.” Please do not question us. We know the difference between mugs and cauldrons.
    (It has come to our attention that the author of “Moby Dick” was not Meville, but “Melville.” Whatever. Spell it any way you like, evil is evil. Even if it’s spelled evi. Or “M-O-B-Y D-I-C-K!”)
  9. To the far right of the illustration are two hands writing. The untrained eye might believe they are writing Christmas cards. But the simple imagery on these “cards” tells us they are writing in hieroglyphs. Seasonal hieroglyph cards addressed to their senators that simply say, in their hieroglyphic ways, “Keep up the good work on our war on Christmas!”
  10. There are two large (one might even say “monstrous”) hands arising from the bottom of the cup. In the same way the talons of Satan would emerge from the underworld. When placed in the proper position, these hands arise from the cardboard wrapper intended to protect you from heat, but which, because of all of this evil imagery, might as well say, “Be careful. The beverage you are about to enjoy is EVIL.”

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